Cao Nguyen Huy Hoang
Sarah Kirchner
Hoang:
"It is really refreshing to hear your thoughts on gender because I too grew up in an environment shaped by heteronormativity.
Actually, it has only been since the last three years that I consider my gender as fluid and complex. Before that I always assumed that being something else is "less than the norm".
This is something I rarely get to express because I grew up surrounding myself and surrounded by performing under this norm that has been unquestionable to every figure of authority or love in my life. I could point that to the fact that I have never seen anything else than a cis man and a cis woman on every kind of media in my childhood.
I'm kinda confused now because for most of my life I have been depending on this way of living out my body and mind among other bodies and minds. Now that I recognize I don't align with either manhood nor womanhood in my country I feel quite adrift.
When I think about gender, the closest thing to that is my body.
Even though I am aware how society contorts and obscures its value, I can't help but shake the feeling that I am not enough and I cannot fit into any gender.
A central aspect of my body and gender is my weight. I've been drastically losing and gaining weight ever since adolescence. Particularly, I always felt at home when I am chubby and round, but I feel I don't fit into anywhere. When I'm too skinny I feel I can perform because I fit in with the image of what boys my age should be. When I'm healthy and fit, I showcase and perform the gender that attracts what other girls want.
I feel like what I wanted wasn't gender but instead, a medium for love.
I'm quite comfortable with my body now. I don't understand gender. I need to know and learn more. This does not mean others' claims to gender are invalid, it is just that I am building my own gender, perhaps.
I feel quite safe being with my girlfriend and she also feels safe with me too.
I once asked her whether she would still love me if my body was female; she didn't know how to answer it."
Actually, it has only been since the last three years that I consider my gender as fluid and complex. Before that I always assumed that being something else is "less than the norm".
This is something I rarely get to express because I grew up surrounding myself and surrounded by performing under this norm that has been unquestionable to every figure of authority or love in my life. I could point that to the fact that I have never seen anything else than a cis man and a cis woman on every kind of media in my childhood.
I'm kinda confused now because for most of my life I have been depending on this way of living out my body and mind among other bodies and minds. Now that I recognize I don't align with either manhood nor womanhood in my country I feel quite adrift.
When I think about gender, the closest thing to that is my body.
Even though I am aware how society contorts and obscures its value, I can't help but shake the feeling that I am not enough and I cannot fit into any gender.
A central aspect of my body and gender is my weight. I've been drastically losing and gaining weight ever since adolescence. Particularly, I always felt at home when I am chubby and round, but I feel I don't fit into anywhere. When I'm too skinny I feel I can perform because I fit in with the image of what boys my age should be. When I'm healthy and fit, I showcase and perform the gender that attracts what other girls want.
I feel like what I wanted wasn't gender but instead, a medium for love.
I'm quite comfortable with my body now. I don't understand gender. I need to know and learn more. This does not mean others' claims to gender are invalid, it is just that I am building my own gender, perhaps.
I feel quite safe being with my girlfriend and she also feels safe with me too.
I once asked her whether she would still love me if my body was female; she didn't know how to answer it."
"You mentioned that you had reservations that your art would be misread. I think if the possibility is open, we can always be reinterpreted into what we want to interpret. One can say a black and white painting lacks color and he or she could be missing the whole point!
These few days I came across something interesting though. I think the importance and relevance of gender have always been, at least in heteronormative white culture, undermined and trivialized because how ow overarching systems of thought and justice perpetuate itself in the umbrella of stability and strength.
I heard a young man rallying against LGBT saying that "I have the right as a citizen to hate you". On the surface that seems appropriate as it supports the underlying assumptions of what freedom should be within our current understanding of justice. One could even argue by a parity of syntax that his statement supports women’s' right to their body because they reserve personal opinions over who gets to decide on her body. But that is at most a misunderstanding of grammar, and at worst a reason to marginalize millions of citizens.
So I think it is a question of how we can come to terms with past structures that have forced and trained us to accept that we are "used" and "excluded" by others instead of that we depend on each and everyone's mind. Before I can be a person, I have to exist in my fellow human's minds through language. That I don't have to accept exclusion and competition as a core part of my identity. Or rather, we live through the willingness of others and ourselves to interpret one another as having good motivations.
Right now I don't have much more thoughts on the matter so I'm excited to hear from your perspective.
I once photographed a drag queen and that only opens up what is possible in my mind as femininity so I can't see why your alter persona can't!
Below one of the shots that really moved me."
These few days I came across something interesting though. I think the importance and relevance of gender have always been, at least in heteronormative white culture, undermined and trivialized because how ow overarching systems of thought and justice perpetuate itself in the umbrella of stability and strength.
I heard a young man rallying against LGBT saying that "I have the right as a citizen to hate you". On the surface that seems appropriate as it supports the underlying assumptions of what freedom should be within our current understanding of justice. One could even argue by a parity of syntax that his statement supports women’s' right to their body because they reserve personal opinions over who gets to decide on her body. But that is at most a misunderstanding of grammar, and at worst a reason to marginalize millions of citizens.
So I think it is a question of how we can come to terms with past structures that have forced and trained us to accept that we are "used" and "excluded" by others instead of that we depend on each and everyone's mind. Before I can be a person, I have to exist in my fellow human's minds through language. That I don't have to accept exclusion and competition as a core part of my identity. Or rather, we live through the willingness of others and ourselves to interpret one another as having good motivations.
Right now I don't have much more thoughts on the matter so I'm excited to hear from your perspective.
I once photographed a drag queen and that only opens up what is possible in my mind as femininity so I can't see why your alter persona can't!
Below one of the shots that really moved me."
"I really like your approach to this hyper square, unassuming yet cool and stoic men. Kinda reminded me of a combination of Bowie and Camus.
Reservoir dog needs a reboot ! :))
I found that the more open poses you did was more cool and confident while the more forward leaning one invited me to consider how cool I could be.
I'm beginning to photo my idea. I'll send you some once they’re ready. "
Reservoir dog needs a reboot ! :))
I found that the more open poses you did was more cool and confident while the more forward leaning one invited me to consider how cool I could be.
I'm beginning to photo my idea. I'll send you some once they’re ready. "
Sarah:
"This can be a polarizing subject, which makes it even more important to discuss!
Let me just start by saying that only in the last few years I started to question a set concept of gender. By no way am I fully educated, nor have I arrived at a final conclusion (if there even is such thing)
It is very possible that in two years from now I will arrive at a different understanding of gender.
I think I want to approach this week’s value from a personal angle, because I don`t feel entitled to speak for someone's experience.
I can only speak from the perspective of a cis white gay woman.
I also want to point out that I will be referring to boy and girl because I am referring to my past and the gender binary I knew growing up.
Identifying as non-binary, genderfluid and genderqueer is just as valid as identifying as a woman or a man. When I talk about woman and man I also mean trans woman and trans man.
I do identify with the gender I was assigned at birth.
Growing up I did not identify with what society expects a woman to be, so I behaved and dressed more in a boy-ish way. To me stereotypical boy things were always more attractive - including woman 😉. For a while I was trying hard to distance myself from anything that is considered feminine, because femininity was associated with weakness.
Of course this is bullshit. There is no preset how a boy or a girl should behave, dress, express themselves and so on. I am just talking about what society told young me about what it means to be a girl or a boy.
It took me quite some time to appreciate my femininity and sometimes I still can´t fully embrace it. But on the days I can I feel super powerful. I like that being feminine nowadays makes me feel empowered instead of weak.
Being in a queer relationship with another woman means constantly being challenged with ideas about gender expression.
Society still has this idea that one "embodies" the man and one the woman, which again refers to an outdated gender binary.
You have all these labels like Tom Boy, Butch, Stem, Stud, Lipstick Lesbian, Chapstick Lesbian, Femme the list goes on. All of these labels rely on a gender binary and have something to do with gender expression. It is already in the names Tom Boy, Femme.
To me these labels are a bit outdated and limiting. I don´t want to be put in a box. My girlfriend and me both like to play with our gender expression. Sometimes it can be fun if people don´t know whether to read you as male or female.
I have a lot more to say on this subject but I think I am going to wait for your mail!"
"This can be a polarizing subject, which makes it even more important to discuss!
Let me just start by saying that only in the last few years I started to question a set concept of gender. By no way am I fully educated, nor have I arrived at a final conclusion (if there even is such thing)
It is very possible that in two years from now I will arrive at a different understanding of gender.
I think I want to approach this week’s value from a personal angle, because I don`t feel entitled to speak for someone's experience.
I can only speak from the perspective of a cis white gay woman.
I also want to point out that I will be referring to boy and girl because I am referring to my past and the gender binary I knew growing up.
Identifying as non-binary, genderfluid and genderqueer is just as valid as identifying as a woman or a man. When I talk about woman and man I also mean trans woman and trans man.
I do identify with the gender I was assigned at birth.
Growing up I did not identify with what society expects a woman to be, so I behaved and dressed more in a boy-ish way. To me stereotypical boy things were always more attractive - including woman 😉. For a while I was trying hard to distance myself from anything that is considered feminine, because femininity was associated with weakness.
Of course this is bullshit. There is no preset how a boy or a girl should behave, dress, express themselves and so on. I am just talking about what society told young me about what it means to be a girl or a boy.
It took me quite some time to appreciate my femininity and sometimes I still can´t fully embrace it. But on the days I can I feel super powerful. I like that being feminine nowadays makes me feel empowered instead of weak.
Being in a queer relationship with another woman means constantly being challenged with ideas about gender expression.
Society still has this idea that one "embodies" the man and one the woman, which again refers to an outdated gender binary.
You have all these labels like Tom Boy, Butch, Stem, Stud, Lipstick Lesbian, Chapstick Lesbian, Femme the list goes on. All of these labels rely on a gender binary and have something to do with gender expression. It is already in the names Tom Boy, Femme.
To me these labels are a bit outdated and limiting. I don´t want to be put in a box. My girlfriend and me both like to play with our gender expression. Sometimes it can be fun if people don´t know whether to read you as male or female.
I have a lot more to say on this subject but I think I am going to wait for your mail!"
"I really appreciate your comparison with the black and white painting!
I feel like we live in a time where what you say online decides whether you are a good or a bad person. In fact online everything seems black and white, there are no grey zones. (pun intended).
I really love the image you took of the Drag queen. It is indeed very moving. She seems like a goddess and at the same time so vulnerable.
I went through a transformation yesterday. I made a whole celebration out of it in fact.
My inspiration was Jo Calderone and Pulp Fiction. I think you can definitely tell.
I did not expect the effect transforming into this character had on me. The more pieces I added to the look, the more I started feeling myself. It felt like discovering a part of myself that usually stays below the surface - a part that I didn´t know how to outwardly express before.
I think everyone has their own interpretation on what these images say about gender.
" She wants to look like a man"
" She is wearing masculine clothing to feel powerful and untouchable"
" She wants to present androgynous"
" She wants to pick up girls"
All these interpretations are true and also false. I think if it says anything about gender to me it is that it is whatever you want it to be.
And I don´t care if people find it complicated that there is no binary. It is pretty easy in my opinion to live and let live."
I feel like we live in a time where what you say online decides whether you are a good or a bad person. In fact online everything seems black and white, there are no grey zones. (pun intended).
I really love the image you took of the Drag queen. It is indeed very moving. She seems like a goddess and at the same time so vulnerable.
I went through a transformation yesterday. I made a whole celebration out of it in fact.
My inspiration was Jo Calderone and Pulp Fiction. I think you can definitely tell.
I did not expect the effect transforming into this character had on me. The more pieces I added to the look, the more I started feeling myself. It felt like discovering a part of myself that usually stays below the surface - a part that I didn´t know how to outwardly express before.
I think everyone has their own interpretation on what these images say about gender.
" She wants to look like a man"
" She is wearing masculine clothing to feel powerful and untouchable"
" She wants to present androgynous"
" She wants to pick up girls"
All these interpretations are true and also false. I think if it says anything about gender to me it is that it is whatever you want it to be.
And I don´t care if people find it complicated that there is no binary. It is pretty easy in my opinion to live and let live."
Cao Nguyen Huy Hoang - Drag Queen